enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have aggressive nipples.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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