My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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