none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
