I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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