Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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