i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
