soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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