She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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