She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
