whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
