I'm eating all of the evidence.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
