she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
