I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
