Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
