no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
