There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
