It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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