Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
