My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
