I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't deserve a penis
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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