lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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