Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
