I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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