She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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