My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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