He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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