You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
