guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
