are you so shy because you have an std?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize