Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
