Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
