when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
