Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
