If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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