as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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