glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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