I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
