A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
