I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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