You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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