Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
