I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
