she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize