i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
