so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
