note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
