I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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