yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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