so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
