It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
