I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
