Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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