I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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