I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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