You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize