So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
