Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You are a booty call, not a friend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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