There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
