Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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