So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
