So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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