Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
