she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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