so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Mom said you looked used
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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