Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
pray to the hookup gods
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
