I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
as a side note pls kill me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
