Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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