A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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