i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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