Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize