you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
