what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
