he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
