I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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