he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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