Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
