woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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