I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
