Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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